party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
