I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
