you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
