I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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