god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
