Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
