we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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