i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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