please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
