would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
