dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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