I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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