Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
