I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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