i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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