i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm too high and old for this...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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