Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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