I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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