Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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