DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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