There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
