I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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