we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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