I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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