So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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