You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
