I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
