Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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