Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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