Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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