My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
