If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
