1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
