let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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