isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
