Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
