If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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