remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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