I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
