we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
