I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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