According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
