A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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