He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
