Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You've changed since you got that strap on
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize