i already hear my dad disowning me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
