I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
