just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
zippers are such a cool invention
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize