i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
