I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
