They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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