I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
