I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize