Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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