WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
