More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
