her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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