Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
