vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
