i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
