So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
