3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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