My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
