YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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