wat bout pragnant strippers??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
