we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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