just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
