To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
