operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
