I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
