Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she pinky promised me she was 18
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
