One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i've created a new STD.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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