i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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