I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
