If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
