I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
