He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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