im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
