hell yes lets make some ravioli
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
