her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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