We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
