I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
