8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
