I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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