the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
