i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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