If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
