whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
