i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
