He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You did what with his pubic hair?
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