You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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