can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
