Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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