she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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