Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
