I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize