after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
