im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
