Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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