he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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