He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize