My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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