ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
