Will you blow on my dice?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
pray to the hookup gods
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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