My liver just broke up with me...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
