she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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