sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
