there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize