i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
