At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
