I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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