My pussy is not your playground.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize